


I Won't Let You Go

by silvermoongirl10



Series: Worst Nightmare [3]
Category: Blue Bloods (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-17
Updated: 2013-12-17
Packaged: 2018-01-04 23:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1086819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvermoongirl10/pseuds/silvermoongirl10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny has to help Jamie survive a day that could end so tragically, there is a chance Jamie will have to live the rest of his life without Beth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Let You Go

Danny's concerned gaze followed Jamie as he paced back and forth, back and forth. Danny knew nothing he said would make anything better. Beth had gone home to Wales to visit her parents and extended family, Jamie had planned to go with her but at the last minute he was needed to stay in New York to deal with the aftermath of a mass arrest of a gang which worked out of Lower Manhattan. After the gang members had been arrested leaving their territory empty, this had caused a gang war to break out. With other gangs wanting to take over the empty territory. Leaving the entire family worried for Jamie's safety remembering all too clearly the three close calls he had had in the past two years and two months.

The reason for Jamie's distress happened half an hour ago when Beth's older sister, Megan, called Jamie and told him Beth had been on a train to Cardiff and as the end of the train was entering a tunnel a landslide hit the end of the train. This caused the front of the train (which was already in the tunnel) to be pushed up from the track and collide with the side of the tunnel. Megan through her tears had to tell Jamie that the family didn't know where on the train Beth was or whether she was alive or dead. Adding that it had taken an hour half before the family were informed as Beth had been travelling under her married name. Jamie had wanted to get a plane to London Heathrow and then from there get a plane to Cardiff International Airport. Knowing despite his last minute orders last week to remain in the city to help end the gang war he would be allowed to leave considering the circumstances. But a bad weather front had moved in and around London grounding all planes.

This news had almost broken Jamie who had only married Beth last month. Erin took Nikki and the boys back to her apartment so the rest of the family could get Jamie to let out his emotions, Jamie had wanted to go home but neither Danny nor Frank would let him stating he needed his family right now.

"Jamie" began Danny, but he was interrupted by Jamie who momentarily stopped pacing.

"Don't Danny. Don't you _dare_ say it will be alright. Because you don't know that! For all we know Beth could be d-" Jamie stopped himself from finishing the sentence feeling as if he said the word then it would make it true. "Just don't say it's alright because it's _not_ " Jamie then turned his back to Danny and rubbed a hand across his eyes.

Danny stood up and approached Jamie and placed a comforting hand on his younger brother's shoulder, "Jamie I know how you feel" said Danny,

"You do to some extent Danny" muttered Jamie, at Danny's look Jamie continued, "When Linda was kidnapped she was still in this city. But Beth is across the other side of the Atlantic sea!"

"I know Jamie and I'm so sorry, and I have some idea of the thoughts whirling around your head. But don't think them Jamie, you'll only drive yourself mad!" warned Danny.

Jamie whirled around to face Danny better with narrowed eyes out of anger and worry, "what else am I supposed to do Danny?! Just sit there and think happy thoughts when Beth is in a life and death situation?! Oh yes I am very able to do that Danny when my _wife_ is in an unknown situation!" yelled Jamie.

"I'm not asking you to stop thinking about Beth Jamie. I'm just telling you that you should stop torturing yourself on 'what if' situations!" Danny cried out, he was desperate to help Jamie through this. But like Jamie had said, Danny had no idea how it felt to have the love of your life in a situation where it was unknown whether they were alive or not in a different country with a five hour time difference.

"I should have been there!" choked Jamie, "if only we had flown out even a day before the mass arrest then I would be there with her!"

"Jamie don't say that" whispered Danny,

"Why not?!" shouted Jamie tears threatening to fall, "if I was there-"

"If you were there then you could've been killed!" yelled Danny,

"So what?!"

"'So what?' Damn it kid this family almost lost you when you were shot 2 years and 2 months ago! And a year ago there was a chance you could have been killed in a gas explosion! And then eight months ago when Vinny was killed in the Bitterman projects! So don't say how you don't care if you were with Beth and died in the train crash!" shouted Danny getting in Jamie's face. The raw emotions and pain Danny felt the three times Jamie's life was threatened coming to the surface.

"If Beth is dead then I might as well be!" countered Jamie, "she saved my life when Dawson shot me! And she helped me through Vinny's death! So without her I am nothing, without her then I will have no reason to keep breathing!"

Danny opened his mouth to reply, but before he could say anything. Frank who had heard everything stepped into the room and giving Danny a reassuring smile, Frank guided Jamie upstairs to his childhood room. Much like Danny Frank had despaired at hearing Jamie say (well yell) that he didn't care if he died. But Frank could understand that Jamie was under a lot of pressure and felt confused. Should he be feeling grief for the possible death of his wife? Or should he feel hope that there was a chance she was alive?

"Jamie how are you holding up?" asked Frank sitting beside Jamie. Jamie just shrugged; Frank put an arm around Jamie's shoulders. "Jamie, tell me. How are you holding up?"

"Not good" murmured Jamie looking at the ground, "she means everything to me dad"

"I know son. But you just have to hang on a bit longer" said Frank.

Jamie looked up to meet Frank's gaze for the first time, "dad I don't know what I would do if anything should happen to her"

"Let's just hope the worst won't happen" comforted Frank.

"But what if it does?" sobbed Jamie, leaning forward and rested his head on his hands.

"You can't think like that Jamie. You just can't" answered Frank wrapping Jamie in his arms like he used to when Jamie scrapped a knee as a child. They stayed like that as Frank rocked Jamie until Jamie fell asleep out of pure exhaustion. Just then Danny poked his head around the bedroom door.

"Danny give me a hand" whispered Frank. Danny nodded and pulled back the duvet and then helped Frank settle Jamie on the bed and covered with the duvet. They both then left the room closing the door gently. Jamie's dreams were filled with images of Beth starting from when he first met her and her friends when they were sightseeing. He then began to dream about that Sunday dinner he staggered in after Vinny had been killed.

_Jamie shakily opened the front door on his way in he noticed Danny and his father weren't there, Jamie figured they were dealing with the aftermath of what happened in the Bitterman project. He saw Linda and Erin were sat either side of Beth on the couch and Henry was sat on the coffee table in front of Beth with a hand on her knee. The closing of the front door broke them out of their thoughts; Beth gasped and ran to Jamie bringing him into a bone crushing hug. Soon Linda and Erin were also hugging him tightly; Jamie felt his emotions welling up and Henry seeing the look on Jamie's face said "give him some space", Linda, Erin and Beth had then sharply let go of Jamie just as Jamie more or less collapsed into the nearby armchair._

" _Why?" asked Jamie brokenly,_

" _Jamie?" questioned Beth kneeling beside Jamie with an arm around his shoulders._

" _What did Vinny do to deserve that? All he did was make life better for himself by getting out of the Bitterman project. Yeah at first I thought he was a loudmouth and didn't think I would like him, but I was wrong. He was a good friend. Why?-"_

" _Shhhh" comforted Beth rubbing Jamie's back. She realized Jamie was still in his uniform and that is still had blood on it from where Jamie was holding Vinny. Linda then handed Beth a small bowl of water and a cloth noticing the blood on Jamie's hands and the side of his face. Linda, Erin and Henry then left the room leaving Beth to comfort Jamie. Jamie looked at Beth confusedly wondering what she was doing then he saw the blood. Another sob then escaped and Beth placed the cloth in the bowl and hugged Jamie letting his head rest on her shoulder._

" _Shhhh you're alright" murmured Beth. She felt huge sympathy for Vinny and his family but she was relived and glad that it wasn't Jamie knowing how lost she would be without Jamie and she knew if Jamie had lost his life with Vinny the Reagan family would never recover. Especially as they had already lost Joe._

" _They're going down for this" choked Jamie through grief and anger, a deadly combination._

" _Jamie" cautioned Beth,_

" _No Beth they take down one of us. Then we hit back 35,000 strong. And I'm going to make sure they don't know what hit them" bit out Jamie._

_Beth raised Jamie's head so they were looking eye to eye, "don't go looking for revenge Jamie that's a sure way to either get yourself put on compassionate leave or get yourself hurt or worse"_

" _I'm not looking for revenge" replied Jamie and at Beth's dubious look he continued "I'm looking for justice"_

_Beth nodded, "just be careful. Please"_

_Jamie gave Beth a small smile, it wasn't anywhere near what Jamie's normal smile was like but under the circumstances Beth would take whatever she could get. Jamie squeezed her hand and then stood up and bid Henry, Linda and Erin goodbye._

" _Where are you going?!" exclaimed Erin grabbing hold of Jamie's arm._

_Jamie slowly removed Erin's hand replying, "Back to the 12_ _th_ _they need every Officer they can get to go out on patrol" Henry pulled Erin into an embrace._

" _But surely under the circumstances they'll let you stay here!" Linda pleaded. Jamie may not have been her brother by blood but he was as good as, and being nine years older than him she remembered watching Jamie grow up from a little 8 year old boy into the brave Police Officer he was today. And the amount she prayed for Danny to come home every night was the same amount she prayed for Jamie's return home every night._

_Jamie shook his head, "I'm going to the 12_ _th_ _"_

_Linda turned to Beth, "surely you can persuade him to stay! You can't want him to go back out there!"_

_Beth rose to her feet, "no I don't want him to go back out there. But I know he wants to get justice for his friend and partner and I can't stop him from doing that"_

_Jamie squeezed Erin's shoulder and hugged Linda, before clapping Henry on the shoulder. Henry and Jamie nodded at each other sharing a knowing look. Then Jamie walked forward and kissed Beth as they pulled away Beth hugged him tight and leaned up to kiss his forehead and whispered "please just come home to me". Jamie nodded and then he was gone._

Jamie had always been grateful for Beth's understanding and after the arrests of Los Lordes she had helped him through the guilt he had felt after Vinny's death. Jamie woke up to find tears rolling down his face; he took his cell phone from his pocket and unlocked it to see the wallpaper which was a photo of him and Beth on their wedding day.

He ran his thumb over Beth's smiling face, "please God let her live, please let her be alive!" begged Jamie. He then climbed out of bed and staggered downstairs.

* * *

 

Danny looked up from where he was sat on the couch staring out the window wondering how another carefree and happy Sunday with the family turned to the complete opposite. Jamie had been upstairs for two hours when Danny heard Jamie come down the stairs. Jamie reached the bottom and then looked at his watch looking confused.

"You've been asleep for eight hours" commented Danny, seeing how tense Jamie still was and noted Jamie's red rimmed eyes.

"Beth?" asked Jamie in a hoarse voice,

"Haven't heard anything else yet" replied Danny shaking his head. Another part of Danny's heart broke seeing Jamie's stance slump.

"There isn't any hope is there?" asked Jamie in a monotone voice devoid of any hope.

"Jamie there is still a chance she's alright" comforted Danny standing up and quickly stood in front of Jamie.

Jamie shook his head, "not after this long. She can't be"

Then before Danny could stop him, Jamie then walked out the front door, down the steps and began running down the street away from the house.

"Damn it!" cursed Danny, he then began running after Jamie. At one point he thought he had lost Jamie but then he caught a glimpse of Jamie running down the street. Danny then found himself outside the cemetery where their family members were buried. Danny slowly approached the graves and sighed in relief when he saw Jamie sat on the ground facing the gravestones. Danny opened his mouth to say something but stopped when he heard Jamie speaking.

"Joe what do I do? I can't live without her, she means _everything_ to me. If she is dead…then I won't have any left to live for. I wish I was there, I wish…if I was there and she had…died…then I could have died with her. But now she's alone! And I'm expected to just carry on living without her! Why?! Why do I _have to do that_?! Why can't I join the one person who I care about the most? Why did I have to leave her on her own?!" wept Jamie.

"Jamie" choked Danny bending down beside Jamie, "kid listen to me. I know hearing you say that… Joe wouldn't want you to talk like that kid"

"Why not?!" spat Jamie "it's the truth!"

"Sometimes no news is good news" soothed Danny.

"Maybe in some cases. But you forget I'm a cop who walks the streets Danny, I've seen it countless of times when no news means the worst has happened!"

"Jamie part of the train is in a tunnel, it could take hours for you to get any news!"

"Exactly! It's in a tunnel which means she could be dead!"

"Damn it Jamie! Why are you being so quick to believe Beth is dead?! Why are you so _convinced_ Beth won't be coming home? Huh? Why is that?!" shouted Danny as he shook Jamie's shoulders roughly.

"Because I don't want to believe Beth is alive and then be told she's not! I would rather believe the worst and then be told I was wrong! I've seen it _so many_ _times_ when family members hope that their loved ones are alive. Only for me to turn around and tell them their loved ones aren't coming home. Do you understand Danny?! I don't want to be deluded that Beth is coming home when she's not!" wept Jamie angrily.

Danny paused momentarily in shock. He saw Jamie in a new light; he realized what Jamie was saying. Ever since they had heard the news about Beth, Jamie had been preparing for the worst not wanting to become like the families of victims they see every day. And there was their family ramming it down Jamie's throat that there was always hope, telling him what they tell the families of victims. Danny then saw Jamie not as the man, the victim's husband, who had possibly lost his wife after only a month of marriage. But he saw Jamie as the cop, his brother, the person Jamie was. The person who was _trying_ to think the worst so he would be prepared for the bad news. The person who would then after digesting the news comfort his family, the family who had come to love Beth as if she was related by blood, he would comfort _them_ because he had rallied his strength, he had accepted the worst and was trying to move on. But looking at Jamie Danny could see Jamie was stuck in the middle, he had slightly half accepted Beth wasn't coming back, but he was still half feeling as if he couldn't go on living without Beth.

"Alright Jamie" sighed Danny patting Jamie's shoulder, "alright"

The brothers sat in a comfortable silence for what felt like a few minutes but was actually an hour. Before, without saying anything, they stood up simultaneously and walked back to their father's house. With Danny keeping an arm around Jamie's shoulders, to be the strong person Jamie needed.

* * *

 

As soon as Jamie and Danny entered the house Henry quickly entered the hallway, "where have you been?!"

"Huh?" asked Danny, looking just as confused as Jamie.

"We've been trying to get a hold of you for a quarter of an hour!" exclaimed Henry. Danny realized he didn't have his phone on him and Jamie found his phone had been on silent.

"Oops" said Danny,

"You hear anything?" asked Jamie worriedly.

"Yeah the weather front around London has cleared. Has been for a while now actually" replied Henry.

"I gotta get to JFK!" exclaimed Jamie about to grab his wallet from the coffee table.

"There's no point" commented Henry grabbing Jamie's arm.

"Why not?" choked Jamie afraid of what he was going to be told as he couldn't read Henry's expression. Danny stepped closer to Jamie fearing the worst.

"Because…well…just look out the front door" Henry urged. Jamie paused for a moment confused, then turned and opened the front door.

"BETH!" exclaimed Jamie, and sure enough it was Beth who was currently stepping out of a cab. Beth paid the driver and smiling began walking to Jamie. Jamie shook himself out of his stupor and ran to Beth and hugged her to him tightly.

"How? How did you get here?" asked Jamie still clutching Beth to him afraid this was all a dream and he was going to wake in his room again.

"The landslide wasn't as bad as it could have been. It could have…it _should_ have been much worse. Everyone was relatively unharmed and my train carriage had just entered the tunnel so they were pretty quick in getting us out. I got out two and a half hours after the landslide, then after getting checked out by paramedics, or EMTs if you like, I went back to my parents' house. Twenty minutes later Megan arrived crying her eyes out. She then tells me she called you to tell you I'd been in a train crash. I immediately tried to call you but all the phone lines were out of commission. So I got a train to London, somehow got on a flight, seven hours later I landed at JFK and got a taxi here. And here we are" said Beth leaning back to look at Jamie. She saw his red rimmed eyes and tired looking face and hugged him, "it's okay Jamie, and I'm here" that opened the floodgates for Jamie.

Through his tears Jamie firmly said "you are _never_ leaving the country without me again, you hear me? I don't care if I get last minute orders again you are not getting on a flight out of the country until I'm allowed to go with you. Got it?"

"I got it" replied Beth softly placing her hands on either side of Jamie's face. She could see what that day's events had done to Jamie and so she willingly agreed with him. She never wanted Jamie to go through something like that again, sure she wished she wouldn't have to face the possibility of Jamie getting hurt or even killed on the job again, but that was the job he had and she accepted that. But at least she had always been in the city and could ask Frank about what was happening. Today Jamie had had no one to ask information from and she had been in a different country.

"Don't worry Jamie, I'm not going anywhere without you. Never" Beth firmly said brushing away Jamie's tears.

Jamie smiled softly; "I'll hold you to that" they then walked back into the house where Beth was hugged by everyone, even Erin who had come back with Nikki and the boys.

Danny hugged Beth and murmured, "thank you for saving Jamie's life almost two years ago and thank you for making him happy. Also thank you for surviving today"

Beth just smiled and hugged Danny back whispering, "Thank you for helping Jamie through today. You will always have my gratitude for that"

Danny then walked over to Jamie and clapped him on the back, "you okay kid?"

"Never better" replied Jamie smiling.

* * *

 

~ 3 months later ~

The family were sat around the table for yet another Sunday dinner, when Beth nodded to Jamie who then got everyone's attention.

"We just wanted to let you know that in six months there will have to be another place set at the table" said Jamie grinning,

"What the hell does that mean?" asked Danny pausing with his fork half way to his mouth.

Beth rolled her eyes, "it means you're gonna have to watch your language as there will be some little ears sat at the table" Everyone gasped in delight.

"You mean…" prompted Danny smiling,

"Yeah you're gonna be an Uncle again" smiled Jamie.

"Congrats!" laughed Danny, smiling seeing the happy looks on Beth's and Jamie's faces thinking how different this Sunday could have been if things had worked out differently that Sunday three months ago. Looking at his dad Danny could see they were sharing the same thoughts.

"So any ideas on names?" asked Erin looking at Beth and Jamie.

"Geez Erin it's a little early to be thinking about that isn't?" asked Danny,

"No Danny. It's good to have some ideas now even if they aren't used, we don't all do things last minute you know" snarked Erin, but she was smiling. Danny being the mature older brother and NYPD Detective he was just stuck his tongue out at Erin.

Beth giggled, "No we haven't. But we have decided that because this family is Irish and my family are Welsh, that the first name will either be Welsh or Irish and the middle name will be the opposite to the first name"

"That sounds like a nice idea" smiled Henry, Jamie and Beth nodded their thanks.

"Here's to the future addition to the Reagan family" toasted Frank raising his wine glass and looking on in pride and happiness at his youngest child.


End file.
